Friday, April 24, 2009

unsnap your crotch

So I swing by a store (which won't be named) and you know what they had for sale.

STIRRUP PANTS....

Are they coming back in style? I think we are about 10 years too early for those fashion faux pas to come back. I did love them when they were the "in" thing. They made you look thin and looked great with those crotch button body suits. Don't deny it bitches. We all wore them.

So here come the girls, drunk, crotches getting stangled to death by these ridiculous body suits, wearing stirrup pants. WHAT guy is thinking, I gotta have me some of that.
It will take him half an hour to get our clothes off due to the unnecessary fashion additives. You actually have to pull the pants off by the stirrup or your foot gets stuck. Then the buttons to your body suit are shoved up you butt so he needs to pull em out:)I'm startin to gross myself out.gag gag.

The point I was trying to get at is.....I'm not buyin em

STIRRUP PANTS

Thursday, April 16, 2009

stay away weirdo

So I am at the SHED (my job) and having a normal morning of chatter and jokes when the door comes flying open. This guy is falling all over the place knocking down chairs and having serious trouble walking the 3 feet to the bar. He is COVERED in blood and asking me for a drink. REALLY, drunk guy wants a drink. If I gave him one it may have poured out of the hole that was between his nose and his lip. A HOLE. I could see his gum line. Drunk guy fell down and is oblivious to the fact that half of his face and his entire upper lip is missing. Instead of a drink I called him an ambulance.


Hey drunk guy, Thanks for giving me an excuse to see the hot EMTs.
p.s. take the shed off your drinking route.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

O.k. so the blog has been up and runnig for what...20 minutes.... and the bitching has begun!

BASEBALL. What is the point of playing 162 games in a season. REALLY.

I am all for the game, especially the tight pants, but it becomes all consuming in my house.

I LOVE football. Season comes and I know that Sundays are sacred for the pigskin. I am even an avid fantasy football player. Thats not too shabby for a chic. HOWEVER...there is also fantasy baseball. I can't do that. My husband on the other hand. He has spent 6 hours TODAY on the damn computer researching players. 6 hours...today...

ARE YOU EFFIN KIDDING ME?

In a small instance that he remembered I was alive today, he informed me that he has ordered the baseball package on t.v.

ARE YOU EFFIN KIDDING ME AGAIN!

Now not only will he be on the computer looking for some sleeper player that might steal a base or get an effin RBI, he also has the freakin t.v. on freakin boring baseball.

SO I am currently watching the Brewers lose to the Cubs 6 to 4. Top of the 6th with 2 outs. I'll keep you posted with the final score. NOT

Mommys back with an attitude

I tried the sweet route with a blog about my life, my family and my daughter. That shit just didn't fly. I just can't sit here and type about some smile in your face crap and try to make it funny. I'm just NOT so funny. I did discover in my futile attempt to mommy blog that this should be an outlet. A place to get all the crap out that I can't do during the day.

Background on me:
I am a bartender in a great little dive bar. The client base is 98% regulars. YUP I see those fuckers everyday. Now don't get me wrong, I love my job and I love those people but I still have to smile and eat shit all day from a bunch of "FUNCTIONING ALCOHOLICS". yea right
They are going to give me plenty of material for my bitch blog. They say write what you know. And I sure can bitch......

So ladies and gents, I hope you don't mind some swear words here and there because they will probably be aflyin.